"America is built on freedoms - of speech, religion, press, assembly, AK-47s and your face."---Mike Strobel

When all is said and done there is nothing left to say or do.
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Today is as good as it gets, and our tomorrows won't be any better
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These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to leave.
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"The trouble with Republicans is that when they get into trouble they start acting like cannibals"-Richard Nixon
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18 Laws Plus Urinal Use Pattern

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal – and someone always answers.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath/Toilet- When the body is fully immersed in water/seated on the throne, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are doing something you don't want to be known as doing or you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!! And the opposite too!

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Concerts and Sports Events - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.

16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!

18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!!

And
Urinal Use Pattern
Crapper's Law of Male Urinals - No male shall use an adjacent urinal even if there are fifty men waiting that haven't gone during a three hour concert

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When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.~ John Lennon
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