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You would think that with all the advances in making things smaller and smaller that everything would be smaller but that just ain't so. Looking around at all the young and old people I see that hearing aids appear to be bigger than ever.
Hype springs eternal
And finally this important life saving tip: When traveling with your child on an aircraft in the event of a catastrophic emergency should the oxygen masks drop, put yours on first and breathe normally.
Dolores Aguilar 1929 - Aug. 7, 2008
Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on
Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing. Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself.
As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again. There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.
If you have 9 bowling balls in one hand and 6 bowling balls in the other, what do you have?
Really big hands!
What is the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth Hurty (2:30)
A bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a bourbon and.............................................. coke"
The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?"
The bear says, "I've had them all my life."
Pretty young thing bursts into the local Autozone parts store screaming, "SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH MY TRUCK! THERE'S A HISSING NOISE AND IT'S SMOKY!!!! HELP! OMG, MY TRUCK'S ABOUT TO BLOW UP OR SOMETHING!"
Old dude behind the counter says, "Calm down, let's go take a look see."
Young thing with cute little butt fumbles for awhile with the key and finally gets the door unlocked and open.
Old dude parts store guy reaches into the cab, tilts the driver's seat back forward and says "HERE'S THE PROBLEM!" He picks up a can of air freshener from behind the seat.
She had placed her purchases from a store behind the seat and pushed the seat back into place which in turn squeezed the top of the can of air freshener knocking its cap off and pushing the button in releasing a steady stream of Glade linen fresh fragrance into the cab of the truck causing pretty young thing to believe her truck was going to explode.
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
Miners Refuse to Work after Death!
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
Enfield, London Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean they make red duct tape?
Man Struck By lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what they get for serving beans!
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they are tall!
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
I really don't see how he didn't use all the powers available to him to prevent these from ever seeing the light of day.
Where was the wife?
Daughter to his right pretending to not know him
Well, yes Georgie has had enough for today. Maybe we will see you tomorrow.
Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud, doesn’t it?
BARACK OBAMA The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE!The chicken wanted CHANGE!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
DR. PHIL The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information
DR SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die in the rain. Alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE I invented the chicken!
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON Why are all the chickens white?
...the results were well short of Wall Street expectations and its shares slumped 3 percent.
Apparently, earnings from competitor Royal Dutch Shell got everyone's hopes up when their profits jumped 33%. Poor Exxon.
More- - -
HOUSTON — Exxon Mobil Corp. reported second-quarter earnings of $11.68 billion Thursday, the biggest profit from operations ever by any U.S. corporation, but the results were well short of Wall Street expectations and its shares slumped 3 percent.
The world's largest publicly traded oil company said net income for the April-June period came to $2.22 a share, up from $10.26 billion, or $1.83 a share, a year ago.
Revenue rose 40 percent to $138.1 billion from $98.4 billion in the year-earlier quarter.
Excluding an after-tax charge of $290 million related to an Exxon Valdez court settlement, earnings amounted to $11.97 billion, or $2.27 per share.
Analysts on average expected Exxon Mobil to earn $2.52 a share on revenue of $144 billion, according to a survey by Thomson Financial. The estimates typically exclude one-time items.
The record-setting results were largely expected, given that crude prices in the second quarter were nearly double what they were a year ago. Natural gas prices were significantly higher too.
But investors expected even bigger profits Thursday, especially after Europe's Royal Dutch Shell reported a 33 percent jump in second-quarter earnings to $11.6 billion, which fell just shy of Exxon's own record earnings from 2007.