Me and God

People used to ask me where I went to church. I would tell them I did not go to a physical church building very often but may have been closer to God than most people in a church.

I was a church going person until the nonsense, like war, overtook me. I became numb to everything for a long time. I was drowning in the idiocy of the world; sick at every turn. A doctor told me to find something to do each day that would relax me such as taking a 30 minute nap...lie down for 30 minutes even if I did not sleep.

One late afternoon after working in the garden tilling the rows and planting seed as I put to tools away I saw my old fishing rod in the corner of the shed. The evening meal was not ready so I decided to walk over the hill to the lake and cast the lure out to make ripples if anything.

I discovered Peace. I found God all over again or more truthfully found him for the first time. From that day on I "fished" every day that ended in 'Y'. I got closer to God there than in a church.

I came across this photo on Flckr and all that came back and had to share it.

Saving seven dollars

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist’s office.

The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’

The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?’

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.’

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?’

The man says, ‘We’re not trying to find out anything.

She’s married and we can’t go to her house. I’m married and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98 and the Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50 and I get $43 back from Medicare.

The kind of face women find attactive….

A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his ass while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected…

Do not throw objects at nor feed the animals

The Earth shall cleanse itself

This article goes along with my concept that the Earth is a self-cleansing entity. Once things get to the point the Earth is in danger of being permenantly harmed something has to be done. So here we are in need of a good dose of caster oil. The Earth will survive but we may not.

Further evidence at
http://plasticoceans.blogspot.com/
Recent insights from fields such as complexity theory suggest that the very nature of civilization means that ours, like previous civilizations, is destined to collapse sooner or later.

It appears that once a society develops beyond a certain level of complexity it becomes increasingly fragile. Eventually, the tipping point is reached when all the energy and resources available to a society are required just to maintain its existing level of complexity, says archaeologist Joseph Tainter and author of the 1988 book The Collapse of Complex Societies.

Then when the climate changes or barbarians invade, overstretched institutions break down and civil order collapses, aggravated by tightly coupled networks that create the potential for propagating failure across many critical industries.

What emerges is a less complex society, organized on a smaller scale or that has been taken over by another group, and loss of our hard-earned knowledge.

Possible solutions include distributed and decentralized production of vital goods like energy and food and adding redundancy to the electrical grid and other networks.

(Subscription required to read the full article at New Scientist, April 2, 2008)
http://www.newscientist.com/channel/being-human/mg19826501.500-the-demise-of-civilisation-may-be-inevitable.html

Y did the chicken cross the road?

Well I like all of these but my personal one is: To proove to the opossum that it could be done.

DR. PHIL : The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH : We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

DR SEUSS : Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY : To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA : In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

JOHN LENNON Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chick book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra..#&&^(C% reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Creepy word/letter game

Think of a letter between A and W.
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
Keep going . . . Don’t stop … .

Think of an animal that begins with that letter.
Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.

Think of either a man’s/woman’s name that begins with the last letter in the animals name
Almost there……..


Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.

Take the hand you FIRST counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level.
Look at your palm very closely…
…and notice the lines in your hand.

Do the lines take tform of the first letter in the persons name?!


Of course not……
Now TAKE THAT HAND AND smack yourself, get a life, and quit playing stupid games!